Having practiced family law for over 30 years, I’ve seen some trends in topics of discussion around divorce, mainly when something feels new to the culture. I remember when mediation sounded like a foreign concept, when term-limited alimony was less common, and when grandparent visitation was talked about as a new phenomenon (even though it wasn’t really new). In the past several years, “Gray Divorce,” has been a hot topic. The New York Times recently ran a story about it, with the headline “Older Adults Are No Longer Staying in ‘Empty Shell Marriages,’” (Catherine Pearson, N.Y. Times, July 22,2026). And in the past year Oprah Winfrey hosted a podcast on Gray Divorce along with a panel including a lawyer, therapists, a researcher and families going through it. See The Oprah Podcast: Gray Divorce (After 50) & Adult Children: The Fallout for the Family with Oprah and Leading Experts (October 28, 2025). What is Gray Divorce and what is different about it?

The term “Gray Divorce” refers to a married couple over the age of 50 seeking a divorce, often after 20+ years of marriage. While the general rate of divorce has decreased in the past few decades, the rate of divorce for those over 50 has doubled since 1990.

Gray Divorce differs from divorces in younger people in what may trigger it, and in the main areas of concern. Instead of the marriage “not working out” in the first 10 or 15 years, Gray Divorces may occur when a couple has successfully lived together for 30 years, raised children to adulthood, bought a home, established careers and celebrated many family milestones together.

What triggers a Gray Divorce may be different including:

• Retirement. When the members of a couple were going in different directions most days, to jobs or ferrying children around, they may have lived comfortably with each other. Once they are both home and have more free time, familiar routines are disrupted and permanently changed. Without the structure of a work schedule, a couple may find that the ways they wish to spend their time are conflicting; or they do not get along as well as they used to.
• Empty Nest. I see this trigger from two points of view. One is that a couple that is no longer consumed with the needs and activities of their children, and has more time for each other, may find that they no longer get along well, or are not compatible. From an earlier point of view, some parents are suffering in their marriages, and prefer to wait until their children leave for college or otherwise move out of the house before ending the marriage.
• Longer Life Expectancy. We are all living longer. See Felicitie C. Bell and Michael L. Miller, “Life Tables for the United States Social Security Area 1900-2100, Actuarial Study No. 120” . With a current general life expectancy in the United States of approximately 80 years, after retirement, a person may still have 20+ years of life to live. That is a long time to spend with someone with whom you are either in conflict or not happy, without the activity of employment to take up your time and brain space. Many people look at retirement and their life expectancy and decide they want a drastic change in how they will spend the last 10-20 years of their life.
• Cultural Shifts. A number of cultural shifts have contributed to Gray Divorce. One is that the stigma of divorce is far less than it used to be. The ubiquity of divorced adults, and the myriad books, movies, podcasts, articles, internet posts, etc., on subjects around divorce have normalized the experience, painful and undesired as it may be. Further, in the past few decades, the numbers of women in the workforce have increased, as have the numbers of women with college and advanced degrees. This means that for women, marriage is not their only source of financial support. It sounds shocking today to remember that in the early 1970’s, women had far less access to credit, and generally could not obtain a credit card unless their spouse or another male relative co-signed, even if they had a high income of their own. (That began to change with Congress’s passage of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act on October 28, 1974.) Further, domestic violence laws have strengthened along with the general public’s knowledge that violence toward a spouse or child is unacceptable. With less social stigma around divorce, more access to education and incomes for both members of a couple, divorce has become a more socially acceptable option for an unhappy or high-conflict marriage.

The emotional issues to navigate when divorcing later in life are significant. It is not an easy transition to adjust your identity, sense of self, or vision of the future after 30 years with one person. And while children may be over the age of 18, that does not mean they are not affected by your divorce. Adult children may need your time and attention even more than a minor child does, where they don’t live with you any longer, and don’t have the reassurance of your daily physical presence.

For couples divorcing after age 50, the financial issues of immediate concern to be resolved in a divorce may be different from those of younger couples. Younger couples may be more focused on child support and how to make ends meet juggling full-time work, a home and children. For older couples, the greater focus may be on retirement accounts, retirement benefits, and the tax effects of liquidating various assets. How long will your share of marital assets support you in the life to which you have become accustomed?  How much income will your share of assets passively throw off to supplement your income in retirement?  Certainly, all divorcing couples have to grapple with the fact that living apart in two homes is more expensive than living together in one. When going through a divorce later in life, it is essential that you seek guidance from a legal professional, as well as mental health and financial professionals, who understand the issues you are facing.